a little too much fun ; [jason]

[Lizzie Zacchara]

The loud, reckless atmosphere of Jake’s was exactly what I needed after a long day of more pretending. I was so sick of pretending – pretending I wasn’t married to a cold-hearted jerk who did nothing but blink and stare, pretending I’d never been hurt, pretending my mom didn’t die because of me. What I needed was tequila, and maybe a one-night stand, something to get my mind off of everything. One-night stand, who was I kidding? Yeah, I wanted it, but I knew it wouldn’t happen.

Normally, I’d confide in Patrick, but there was so much I hadn’t told him and the list just kept growing. I couldn’t even talk to Em about any of this; hell, I’d be willing to confide in Carly at this point, but I knew I wouldn’t. I was keeping something from Bren too and I hated doing that; what Morgan said about Sonny, clearly he was hiding something from her and she deserved to know what it was.

I walked over to the bar, looking at Jake briefly before nodding. “Tequila…limes and salt and maybe a beer.” I licked the salt, slammed the tequila, and sucked on the lime. Hell yeah. That was more like it. Now…which guy should I hit on? I didn’t let the guys control me, not anymore. I was in control and I could talk to whoever I wanted to and nobody could do a damn thing about it. I threw back another shot and grabbed my beer, glancing around the bar.

“Well hey there, handsome devil.” I walked over to the guy and started flirting with him, then gave him a long, teasing kiss. “You sure know how to kiss,” I smirked. He asked me if I wanted to go up to his room and that’s where I had to stop it. Flirting and kissing was one thing, but…no, sex was another. And aside from drunken sex with Morgan, I didn’t let anyone touch me that way. If I’d been sober, I especially wouldn’t have let Morgan touch me that way. “Sorry for giving you the wrong idea, but all this…” I gestured at my body through the leather, “Off. Limits.”

I started to walk away to find a different guy, maybe one who could go for some kissing and flirting and nothing more – although now that I thought about it, did any guy exist like that? – but he grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him, calling me a tease. “Tell me something I don’t know,” I snarled. It wasn’t like I liked being a tease. If I wasn’t so damn scared, I’d take him right here, right now. I tried to walk away again, but he held on tighter to my arm, then both arms and pulled me even closer. Okay. Stop right there. This was way too damn familiar and like hell would I let it happen again. “Get the hell off me!” I pushed at him and punched him. He let go and I started to hurry off, but he grabbed at me again and even though I kneed him in the groin and bit him, he wasn’t letting go.

So much for getting my mind off of everything; I knew exactly what would happen when he carried me upstairs. I knew that my worst nightmare, my worst memory, was coming true, again, and it was all my fault for thinking a little flirting and kissing wouldn’t lead anywhere. Idiot.