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Post by Robert Scorpio on Mar 22, 2011 13:05:25 GMT -5
Your Name: Nathan Banks
Your Age (optional): 19
Story Rating (use same as fanfic.net ratings): NC-17
Book/Movie/TV Show & Name: All My Children
Main Couple(s): JR and Annie
Possible Minor Couple(s): Ryan and Greenlee
Possible Bashing Of: N/A
Anything Else You Want to Add: I've done other fan fics for the first time, including this one, so enjoy. |
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Post by Robert Scorpio on Mar 22, 2011 13:13:38 GMT -5
In the chandler mansion, JR was in the living room having a drink of brandi and walking around, thinking about Annie. It’s been months now that she’s been at Oak Haven getting treatment after what she did, kidnapping Emma and almost leaving Pine Valley with her. JR regretted what he did during the divorce with Marissa, telling Annie to not be seen wherever and to Annie, it felt that JR never loved her but he did. JR loved Annie, not Marissa and if the divorce was quick, then he and Annie would be together.
The phone rang as JR put the glass down and walked over to answer it.
“Hello?” - JR
“JR” he knew that female voice, the voice of the one person he loved the most.
“A….Annie?” - JR
“Yeah….it’s me JR…..listen, I need you to come and get me” - Annie
“From Oak haven? Annie you need treatment and counseling over there” - JR
“But JR, the doctors said that I’ve improved and they’ll release me” - Annie
“They said that?” - JR
“Yes, they just need you to come and sign the release papers” - Annie.
JR didn’t know what to think at first but he wanted to see Annie.
“Okay then….im on my way…..on my way. And Annie…..I love you” - JR
“I love you too JR” - Annie.
JR hanged up the phone and finished his drink of brandi, then he went upstairs to change. Hearing from Annie that she was cleared and ready to leave, left JR suspicious but wanted to see this for himself.
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Post by Lizzie Zacchara on Mar 23, 2011 5:21:18 GMT -5
It's a great start...
I do have some hopefully constructive criticism, though.
JR needs to be a little more tough, he doesn't sound like the cold-hearted guy he usually is in this; even with Annie, he's only slightly warm so he needs to be more colder. Also, grammar and spelling mistakes...
I think Annie is well-written though, good job.
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