me against the world // jason

[Lizzie Zacchara]

“What the hell do you mean, we can’t get divorced for six months?” I snarled into the phone, my gaze probably turning into one of those deadly Zacchara ones that Mom would say was almost close to Daddy’s look and could rival Jason Morgan’s. “What kind of clause is that? Who adds that to a Vegas marriage license?” If they wanted to decrease the number of divorces, then they could just take out marriage in those fake chapels to begin with. “Well it’s Vegas, it might not even be legal.” I glared at the wall, listening into the phone. “Are you sure?” I turned on my sweetest sounding voice, sounding a little like my old self for a second. “Listen, we both made a terrible mistake and we need to correct it before it hurts someone…dammit! There’s nothing you can do? You’re our best lawyer, one of the best in the country, how can you not figure this out? Expect to be fired sometime this month.” I slammed the phone down, glaring at the receiver. We had been working on this since we came back. None of his lawyers could figure it out, so I had mine look into it as long as they kept it from Daddy. This must have been what Morgan meant when he said it was more complicated than I thought. Damn him.

He better not want us to live together. That would be the roommate situation from hell. We could just stay away from each other for the next six months and then get divorced. That might work, right? Dammit! If we hadn’t consummated the marriage, this could be easier. A simple annulment, no questions asked, no hoops to jump through. Jason had kept this from Diane, but when Claire couldn’t figure it out, she had Diane look into it without letting her know who it was. And now not even Daddy’s lawyers could find a loophole. I hoped Sonny would kill Jason when he found all this out, making my problem end. I wasn’t fit to be a wife and with wife came mother, which definitely didn’t fit my description. Morgan and I had stayed away from each other since coming back, which meant it wasn’t even possible for me to be a mom. I would know by now. All Bren really wanted was the child that she had lost and here I was, hoping I never had one. I would give anything for my sister to be in my shoes.

Johnny was starting to notice that something was up. I knew I should tell him, I told him everything, but if Morgan saw Johnny coming toward him, he wouldn’t hesitate to shoot and that wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, knowing I got my brother shot. Not just my brother, my twin. That would hurt like hell. But the idea of shooting Morgan himself was becoming nicer and nicer. Anything to get out of this accidental marriage. I picked up the mug of hot chocolate from my desk and took a sip, wishing that the chocolate and marshmallows would make everything disappear, fix everything that went wrong. My marriage, Mom’s death, Claudia Benson…my… I sighed, knowing it couldn’t, that nothing could. Mom was dead, there was nothing that could change that. Claudia, well, we would figure out how to deal with her permanently without killing her. Death was too good for that bitch. The marriage would end in six months and as for the other thing…

I jumped, hearing someone come up behind me. I really had to stop being so jumpy when people came near or someone would find out what I didn’t want people to know. Spinning around on my heels, I looked into the cold, blue-eyed gaze of the man I didn’t want to see most. “Morgan.” I glared at him, crossing my arms over my leather-clad chest and pursed my lips. “There’s nothing they can do. You, me, we’re hitched for another six months. So let me get this straight. I am not living with you, I am not talking to you after you leave here today, and I am sure as hell not letting you tell me how to live my life. Get it?” Of all the guys I had to marry. Even Jax, Lorenzo Alcazar, or Zander would be better than Morgan. “What the hell are you doing here anyway?” I grabbed my lighter and cigarette pack off the canvas, striking the match and taking a drag. Knowing that it would piss off Morgan made the smoke even more worth it than usual. Sarah and Steven were always reminding me about the medical danger, but I could care less about anything Sarah said. Steven…well, if I ever quit, it would probably be for him and only him. With my thousands of cousins – or, that’s what it felt like – I had always been closest to him. Not that I would quit. It made me feel in control of something, a feeling I hadn't had in years.

[Jason Morgan]

I remained seated on my motorcycle, staring up at the Zacchara building. Enemy territory even though the only Zacchara that I didn't feel was a threat is Carly. Carly is the only Zacchara that I had any use for. I always sort of felt drawn to her. Maybe it was because she is a lost soul just like me. We are both black sheeps. I saw a lot of myself in Carly but of course we handled things completely different. Sonny and Carly are my closest friends, they to came from the same place and felt the same things even though Carly and Sonny fought like cats and dogs anytime they were in a room together. I tried to keep them away from each other as much as possible. They weren't as tough as they let on or as tough as they would like to make others believe. They were fragile and could shatter in an instant but at the same time, they are two of the strongest people I know. I think there was an attraction between Sonny and Carly. I would never point it out and it was something they would never own up to but I knew them and knew they are attracted to each other. It wasn't hard to be attracted to Carly. She's a very alluring woman and both Sonny and Carly loved the destruction that being together would bring. They are both as self destructive as they come, enjoying the burning pain that would follow next. I was in the same boat as them. I seemed to be a glutton for punishment. Of course I was. It's how I ended up in this situation, married to my ex's sister.....my best friend's cousin. How did I get myself in positions like this?

I couldn't believe that Claire and Diane couldn't find a loop hole. I couldn't believe they couldn't find a way to get me out of this predicament. It almost seemed like they enjoyed this. I certainly didn't enjoy it. I didn't think getting married was ever in the cards for me. I didn't want to bring anyone into the world I lived in. It wasn't fair. I certainly didn't expect to be married to a Zacchara. I couldn't imagine a worst fate than that. I frowned at the thought before getting off my motorcycle. I knew I would have to deal with Elizabeth soon. I really didn't want to. I wanted to avoid her and just hope this would go away. We have been avoiding each other but I couldn't seem to get her off my mind. I often found myself drowning my thoughts with anything I could get my hands on. I had to put on a show. I had to act like everything was ok. Nobody could suspect anything was wrong. This was a city where everyone knew each other's secrets but nobody could know this. This would damage to many lives, including our own. Too many people that we cared about would be hurt if this ever came out. I couldn't risk this coming out. I just had to wait six months. Six months...I honestly didn't think I could last six days, hell six hours. I started walking toward the building, glancing around me. Nobody else was around. I entered the building, noticing her guards positioned outside the door

"I need to speak to Elizabeth" I said to them. "Now" I added a second later before watching them both nod their heads. I walked pass them toward the door before opening it. She had her back turned to me, unaware of the commotion outside. I stared at her, unable to prevent myself from eyeing her up and down. I remained as still as a statue remaining by the door, continuing to stare at her. There was no need to alert her of my presence just yet. I notice her jumping, before suddenly becoming stiff. I blinked as I remained standing there. I didn't mean to scare her. I watched as she turned around, giving me an icy glare. I didn't look away from her, not even for a second. 'Morgan' "Zacchara" I responded

'There’s nothing they can do. You, me, we’re hitched for another six months. So let me get this straight. I am not living with you, I am not talking to you after you leave here today, and I am sure as hell not letting you tell me how to live my life. Get it'

"What do you mean there's nothing they can do?" I said to her. My blue eyes narrowed on her. My lips tightened against each other, forming a frown. I let out a heavy sigh, running my fingers through my hair. I couldn't believe this. This was not going at all the way it should. This couldn't be happening to me. 'What the hell are you doing here anyway' I ignored her question, not liking the tone in her voice. I watched as she grabbed her lighter and cigarette packet off the canvas. I glanced at the art around me. She was pretty good....I'd give her that but I'd never admit to it. I didn't get art. I frowned once I smelled the smell of smoke. "Just checking how my wife is doing" I said using the same tone she was using on me previously. I walked over to her before reaching out, removing the cigarette out of her mouth. "These are bad for your health" I said to her before putting the cigarette out on her desk before allowing it to rest there as my eyes locked on hers. "Lets get one thing straight, I don't want to be married to you anymore then you want to be married to me but lets try to make the best of it until we're free from each other, alright?" I said to her

[Lizzie Zacchara]

He was close. He was too damn close and pulling the cigarette out of my mouth just made him closer. No, I couldn’t be that close to anyone… I moved back a few steps, almost tripping into one of the canvases behind me before catching myself. What the hell made him think he could stand that close, huh? “I mean there’s nothing. they. can. do. Seems like you dragged us to the only Vegas church in town that puts six-month clauses in their marriage contracts so there isn’t as much of a divorce rate. If you ask me, they might as well just drop those phony weddings to begin with.” If he thought he was going to blame all of this on me, he had another thing coming. I wasn’t there on business like I bet he was. I was there to have fun and it’s all his damn fault my spring break was ruined. “You know we can’t tell anyone. It would kill Carly. Not that I care.” I wish I could have Sonny kill him, but the chances of that were zero. Jason was like the brother Sonny never had, at least not until Ric came into the picture. “And of all the guys…you know, Jax, Lorenzo, or Zander; hell, even Ric would be better but no, I have to get married to the guy who just stands there glaring and staring.”

It was funny, how Jason Morgan always intimidated anyone he came near. He didn’t intimidate me, not in the slightest. Maybe because I knew too much about him from eavesdropping on Carly talking with Em or just the fact that he was overall pathetic. I mean really, letting Sonny tell him what to do like his lapdog or something. And now he was telling me what to do? Oh hell no, that wasn’t going to happen. “Do you not understand English, Morgan? No telling me what to do. I’ll smoke any damn time I want to, alright?” My mom smoked when she was younger and it wasn’t what killed her. A human killed her. I grabbed my pack and took out another cigarette. “Quit wasting my money.” Not that it really mattered much, but I didn’t ask Daddy for cash like people thought. He would have never let me live in this studio. He always said nothing lesser than a mansion was good enough for his little girl but I loved the freedom the studio gave and it was a great place to paint. I lit up another one and stuck it back in my mouth, blowing the smoke straight into his face. No one was going to tell me what to do, especially not Jason Morgan.

“I’m not your wife. Get it? It was one night, a mistake so don’t you dare go calling me your wife. People should get married because they want to, because they love each other. We didn’t and we don’t. This marriage is in name only and once those six months are up, we can forget all about it. Wait. Five and a half months.” Was he kidding? Did he think I was that stupid? “What, do you have this illusion that I think you want to be married to me? Come on. Everyone knows we can’t stand each other. I’m not an idiot to think you want me or something crazy like that.” Make the best of it? I raised an eyebrow, picking up my paintbrush and dipping it into the paint. I started making strokes on the paper. Painting always helped me think and gave me a reason not to pay attention to Morgan.

“You want me to pretend to be happy about this, to be that perfect little homemaker who sits at home while her husband works and bakes brownies? Well I do make a pretty mean brownie, but like hell will I be her. I’m not going to pretend to be happy about marrying my cousin’s best friend when he let him hurt her so badly. Did you get a rush from that Morgan? Huh? Did you like seeing Brenda so devastated?” I didn’t even know why I brought that up. It hurt like hell, watching my sister so sad and knowing I couldn’t do a damn thing. Just like it hurt like hell, seeing my mom lying there in her own pool of blood, something I never would have seen if I hadn’t kept Daddy home that day. It was my fault she was dead. I wanted him to see a painting and he saw her with Trevor…I wasn’t sure if it was Daddy who killed her, there was a fight, but I did know it was my fault. All of it was my fault.

“I don’t know how you can think that we can pretend this is anything other than hell. You can’t lie, right? So why should I try to make the best of a situation when we both know there isn’t a best?” I added onto the strokes, creating movement, scenery. “Look. It’s simple, alright? We forget we’re married. There’s nothing in that damn contract about living together, about pretending to have a life together. You can sleep with whoever you want. I don’t give a damn. You can go clubbing all hours. But two things you can’t do. One, tell me what to do. And two, put out my cigarette for me. Steven warns me enough about the health risks and he actually cares. If you’re not careful, people might start thinking you do too.” Carly might love Jason Morgan deep, deep down until her dying breath but that was her and I was me. Men like Jason annoyed the hell out of me. They thought they could go around telling others what to do just because they were the doctor’s son who lost his memory and became an enforcer. Alright, so there was only one man like that and if he thought he could control my life, he was damn wrong.

[Jason Morgan]

I watched as she moved backwards, almost tripping into one of the canvases behind her. There was a look of something in her eyes...almost like fear that was quickly blocked by anger and hate. Did she think I would do anything to hurt her? I might not like Elizabeth, sure she might annoy the hell out of me but I would never hurt her. I didn't hurt women. I especially didn't hurt a relative of Sonny's or Carly's. 'I mean there’s nothing. they. can. do. Seems like you dragged us to the only Vegas church in town that puts six-month clauses in their marriage contracts so there isn’t as much of a divorce rate. If you ask me, they might as well just drop those phony weddings to begin with' I stared at Elizabeth before blinking my eyes. She sure could ramble on a lot, just like Carly. All those Zacchara sisters rambled on way too much if you asked me. I didn't find much use with words. Words bothered me. So much could be said without using words

'You know we can’t tell anyone. It would kill Carly. Not that I care'

"Of course you care" I said to her, continuing to look at her. "Carly's your sister...you care" I said to her, my eyes never leaving hers. I didn't want to hurt Carly. I never wanted to hurt Carly. Carly thought she needed me but I knew better...I knew I needed Carly. Sure my life would be less chaotic without her in it but I couldn't imagine my life without Carly in it. She helped me with Gabe. She helped me through so much and she was one of the few people in my life who accepted that Jason Quartermaine was dead. She didn't push me to remember someone I couldn't and I appreciated that...more than she would ever know. I would do anything for Carly. There was a time in my life where I could see a future with Carly but now I couldn't. Carly and I worked better as friends. I was never in love with Carly even though I convinced myself of that. I was attracted to Carly...I did love her but I was never in love with her. I was never in love with anyone. I was beginning to think there was something broken inside of me, maybe I wasn't capable of being loved or feeling it. Maybe I was defective. Love didn't do anyone any good. It destroyed lives. I saw it destroy lives and I didn't want to be another casuality of it. I would make sure I never became one. "Carly will never find out. Nobody will" I said to her. I hated the idea of keeping anything from Carly but sometimes secrets were needed. Sometimes the truth was just way to much to ever be revealed

'And of all the guys…you know, Jax, Lorenzo, or Zander; hell, even Ric would be better but no, I have to get married to the guy who just stands there glaring and staring'

I glared at her, folding my arms across my chest. I hated Jax, Lorenzo and Zander. Hearing their names could get my blood to start boiling. I had my reasons for hating those three bastards as well. I didn't know why hearing their names bothered me but it did. I just figured that had to do with the fact that I hated them. What else could it mean? 'Do you not understand English, Morgan? No telling me what to do. I’ll smoke any damn time I want to, alright'
"Fine...it's your lung. Shoot it to hell" I said to her. My eyes narrowing on her. I watched as she grabbed her pack before lighting up another one. It was better her lung than mine. 'Quit wasting my money' "Sure....I'll stop wasting your daddy's money" I said, knowing that my remark would piss her off. I sort of enjoyed pissing her off even though I would never admit it. I watched as she blew another ring of smoke in my face. I glared at her before taking a few steps backwards, my eyes continuing to remain locked on her

'I’m not your wife. Get it? It was one night, a mistake so don’t you dare go calling me your wife. People should get married because they want to, because they love each other. We didn’t and we don’t. This marriage is in name only and once those six months are up, we can forget all about it. Wait. Five and a half months'

She didn't have to tell me twice. Those five and a half months couldn't get here fast enough, in fact they were taking their precious time getting here. I didn't like it one bit. I didn't like this any more then she did. I didn't want to be married to her. She was the last person I ever wanted to be married to. I didn't want to be married to anyone. Marriage held no meaning to me. It was pointless. Marriage didn't last, just like love didn't. I saw what it did to people and I didn't want to be one of those people. I didn't want to be left ruined and marriages ruined everything. Soon those months would be up and we could go back to our lives and nobody would ever know. It was a secret Elizabeth and I would take to our graves. 'What, do you have this illusion that I think you want to be married to me? Come on. Everyone knows we can’t stand each other. I’m not an idiot to think you want me or something crazy like that' "I don't...I don't want you that is" I said to her. My voice didn't sound as sure as it normally did but I didn't think to much of it because if I didn't mean it, I wouldn't say it. I'm an honest person. I hated lies and I had nothing to hide

I watched as she turned her back to me before picking up her paintbrush. I watched as she started to make blue streaks on the paper. Her movement slow...tense. I notice things..most people are to busy to notice. I tilted my head to the side, continuing to eye her

'You want me to pretend to be happy about this, to be that perfect little homemaker who sits at home while her husband works and bakes brownies? Well I do make a pretty mean brownie, but like hell will I be her. I’m not going to pretend to be happy about marrying my cousin’s best friend when he let him hurt her so badly. Did you get a rush from that Morgan? Huh? Did you like seeing Brenda so devastated'

"You don't know what the hell you are talking about" I said to her. "Brenda wasn't the only one hurt in that disaster. So was Sonny. Brenda broke his heart. Just because Sonny's pain isn't visible and he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve like Brenda does..doesn't mean he didn't take a fall too.. I hate what your precious Brenda and your father put him through" I said to her. Sonny's biggest mistake is Brenda. They never should of happened. The only good that came out of Sonny and Brenda was Adelina. It made all the pain worth it but nobody knew the truth about Adelina except me, Sonny and Anthony and I know Anthony and Sonny would never talk about it. I wouldn't either. It wasn't my secret to tell but I knew if it ever did come out, a lot of people would get hurt. Secrets ruined a lot of lives even though sometimes they were needed. I was mostly worried about how Adelina would take it, what Anthony would do but I would kill him before he could harm her ever again and what it would mean for Carly and I. She would hate me for keeping a secret like this but I hoped Carly would understand why I kept it. I believe out of any of the Zacchara girls, Carly would understand why Sonny and I did what we did. She is probably the only one who would understand exactly why we did what we did

"Sonny and Brenda are better off a distant memory to each other anyways" I said to her. At least they were alive. I ignored her question, watching as she continued to paint. 'Look. It’s simple, alright? We forget we’re married. There’s nothing in that damn contract about living together, about pretending to have a life together. You can sleep with whoever you want. I don’t give a damn. You can go clubbing all hours. But two things you can’t do. One, tell me what to do. And two, put out my cigarette for me. Steven warns me enough about the health risks and he actually cares. If you’re not careful, people might start thinking you do too' "I don't" I said to her, folding my arms across my chest. "But maybe you should listen to Steven. He's right" I said to her, thankful that Steven wasn't around to hear that. He should never hear he's right. Ever. He was another person I couldn't stand. There was a lot of people in this town that I couldn't stand. I couldn't stand most people. "He's only looking out for you and from the looks of it, you need someone looking out for you. You should be thankful you have someone in your life that cares enough about you....you should be thankful you are not in this alone" I said, glancing down at the ground. I felt alone most of my life...or the life I can remember. Jason Morgan was never accepted by my family.....so I found a family in a unlikely place. The only person who ever accepted me for who I am now was Sonny. I always wanted to be accepted. Isn't that what everyone wants deep down? Deep down that's all I wanted even though I never voiced it and I never would

[Lizzie Zacchara]

He watched me the whole time I was scared and I knew if I wasn’t careful, he would know. I wouldn’t have to tell him, he would just know. And then he would feel sorry for me. Hell no. I didn’t let anyone feel sorry for me. There was too much hurt in the world to focus on me. “What the hell are you looking at, Morgan? How do you get the job done like you do when it’s so blatantly obvious when you’re staring at someone?” Surely someone had to get a clue every now and then. Maybe I could use this…thing to my advantage and get the inside scoop for Daddy. On second thought, hell no, not with Morgan involved. I would rather eat glass. Actually I had, once. Damn broken jelly jar shards of glass getting glass into my peanut butter sandwich…

“Oh really? Skye’s your adoptive sister, are you going to lie to me and say you care about her?” I raised an eyebrow, then shook my head. “Biology has nothing to do with it. Carly and I are lucky when we’re even civil to each other. I don’t know how you put up with her. Nah, make that I don’t know how she puts up with you.” I hated Morgan more than I disliked my sister so it was really the other way around. “One thing you ought to know: I don’t care about anyone.” That was a lie. I cared about my family except for Carly and sometimes Daddy and I cared about Johnny O and Patrick but I wasn’t going to tell him that. His eyes stayed matched with mine and I wondered if he knew. He couldn’t. Right? “Damn right nobody will because we’re not going to tell anyone. Anyone. You don’ t tell Sonny or Carly, I don’t tell Johnny, John, Brandi or Vincent. And then no one else will ever find out through the grapevine. This can stay our dirty little secret.” Brandi would probably let it slip to Bren and then the whole town would know. I wasn’t going to take the risk and I hoped like hell Jason wouldn’t either. I knew I could keep a secret. I had been doing so for years already as it was, with so many things. My part in mom’s death…the night that still haunted my every waking moment…

I smirked. “Thanks. I will.” I took another drag on the cigarette, just to stick it to him. My body, my choice. I didn’t have a choice in what happened with my body before but I sure as hell would now. “Oh, does that bother you?” I raised an eyebrow, noticing his almost lethal glare when I said all those guys. I knew they hated each other but there seemed to be something more to the glare. I couldn’t figure it out so I decided it didn’t matter anyway. Like I wanted to know the hidden thoughts of Jason Morgan. He probably had the most boring thoughts in the world. Shoot this guy. Now this one. Listen to Sonny. Do as he says. Calm down Carly. Shoot this guy. Now this one. Please, I could find educational shows more interesting than that. I bet I could even find Claudia more interesting than that and I hated her more than I hated Jason. Maybe if she left us the hell alone...she was just jealous that Daddy wasn’t her father. I knew her mom had tried to steal him away from Bren’s mom but he ended up going to Em’s instead. I bet Claudia never got over it. Bitch always wanted to be a mob princess.

My Daddy’s money? Really? “You really are a complete idiot, aren’t you, Morgan? Do you think Anthony Zacchara would pay for his little princess to live here?” I rolled my eyes, letting his so-called snark bounce off of me without any side effects. He needed to work on his comebacks. “To go to PCU instead of an uppity school like Yale or Columbia? To smoke these cheap cigarettes instead of the best ones there are?” He couldn’t be serious. I paid for everything myself and I didn’t go overboard like Carly. “You just hope I don’t know how to manage money like Carly so when Daddy passes the throne over to me, I won’t tear yours and Sonny’s business apart. Think again because you two won’t know what hit you when I’m done.” Sure Sonny was my cousin and deep down, I did love him and I remembered how I could always go to him when I was little if I needed to but it was business. He knew that, I knew that. Business. I wasn’t going to let the family business go down the drain just to boost a member of my extended family. Generations of Zaccharas had knocked their rivals to the ground and I would be yet another one of those people. Although those people never became an artist on the side. There was no way in hell I would give up my dreams, not even for the organization. I would do both, no question. Daddy knew that; he had for years.

“How many times have you said you don’t want me? You know that’s the sign of wanting me, right? You sure you don’t want me?” I cocked my head up at him, wondering what he would think of that. Morgan better stick to not wanting me or I might never get out of this damn marriage we got ourselves into. This wasn’t going to be one of those silly chick novels where the hero and heroine hated each other, got accidentally married, and then fell in love. Hell no people in love knew each other better than anyone else. That was definitely not going to happen. I was pretty damn sure I wasn’t capable of love since Patrick anyway, which was better for me. Love screwed with your mind, made you think things that weren’t true, made you vulnerable to another person. I didn’t understand why anyone would want to be in love.

He called Bren a bitch without calling her one and I knew she could be one but he had the whole thing wrong. “What the hell…are you on crack, Morgan? How did Brenda break Sonny’s heart? What is this about his so-called pain? She lost their daughter, Daddy told Sonny because Bren couldn’t bear to tell him, he left her and somehow she’s the evil one?” I shook my head. “If anything, Sonny’s the reason Brenda hasn’t been happy in years. She grieves for that little girl all the time though she doesn’t like to show it and he chases after whatever woman he wants to. He never said goodbye, just left.” He said they were better off as a distant memory and I realized what this was all about. “Ah. You never wanted them together. You were just looking for a way out, for Sonny to find another girl that maybe, just maybe the great Jason Morgan wouldn’t find annoying, who wasn’t a Zacchara. So when Bren lost her kid, the girl she wanted so much, the girl she loved from the first minute she found out about her, you figured it was the best chance to get Sonny to back out. Didn’t care who you hurt in the process. You are just so selfish.”

I placed one hand on my hip, the other one still holding my cigarette. “I’ll be sure to tell him you said that.” I smirked, knowing he would hate me telling Steven. Oh well. He could get over it. “You’re wrong. I look out for myself. End of story.” Yeah, I had a million siblings and Johnny was not only my twin, he was my best friend, my other half, but I still looked out for myself. Mom hadn’t wanted me to close myself off from everyone, she had always made a point of keeping Johnny and I from becoming exactly like Daddy, but it was easier this way. It didn’t hurt. If I didn’t let anyone close, no one would know. “Why do you care if someone looks out for me anyway, huh? You hate me so you really should be wishing no one does so I’ll wind up dead someday. Bet you want it to be because of you. Bet you can’t wait until I run the organization so Sonny will order you to kill me.” I wasn’t really sure Sonny would do that because while the business meant everything, I knew family did too. But maybe it would boggle Jason’s mind which was a bonus for me. “Speaking of looking out, I better not catch any of your guards around mine except for John.” I still didn’t know how I became best friends with Johnny O’Brien, employee for Sonny, but I had. I loved him like another brother and somehow we ignored the fact that he worked for a rival organization. Daddy didn’t. He never liked John.

“Now let’s talk living arrangements. Unless your lawyer finds the fine print that says we must live together, I stay here. You stay in that stuffy penthouse of yours and bring home whatever hooker you want to. Alright? We don’t see each other. We don’t talk to each other. We pretend the other one doesn’t exist which is really what we both want anyway so it shouldn’t be a problem.” The only problem was that we were both closely connected with Carly. No, we didn’t get along, but we were still closely connected and if Brandi found out and then Bren, she would run gloating to Carly. Hell no, wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t need the whole world knowing what happened when Lizzie Zacchara got drunk out of her mind. If it wasn’t Jason Morgan, I would swear that he had drugged me. Tequila shots never got to me like those did. “And we sure as hell don’t bring alcohol around each other. Stick to Jake’s.” If he could stay away from me, we could keep this secret. It was as easy as that and then Carly wouldn’t feel betrayed. Not that I cared.

[Jason Morgan]

'What the hell are you looking at, Morgan? How do you get the job done like you do when it’s so blatantly obvious when you’re staring at someone'

I continued to glare at her, remaining unresponsive. I just stood there, still, eyes narrowing on her. I thought I caught a glimpse of something in her eyes but I wasn't sure what it was. I wasn't sure how to describe what I thought I saw. I ignored her remark. She talked too much, way too much and I hated talking. That's what a lot of people wanted me to do. They wanted me to talk, talk about what I thought...my feelings. I didn't like talking about anything but mostly that. 'Oh really? Skye’s your adoptive sister, are you going to lie to me and say you care about her' "It's different" I said to her. "She isn't blood. It's different with blood" I said to her. I never viewed Skye as family and I knew it went both ways but at the same time, we were both the black sheep of the family. I never felt like I fit in the with the Quartermaines, not completely and I knew she felt the same way. That should make us closer but it seemed to push us even more apart. I know she wouldn't shed a tear if I died the next day but I wondered who really would miss me when I'm gone? I doubt anyone would. I wasn't needed. Everyone would move on with their lives and I would just become a distant memory, fading into darkness. I didn't want that but I accepted it. It's life

I didn't like Skye and I knew she didn't care for me either and I'm ok with that. 'Biology has nothing to do with it. Carly and I are lucky when we’re even civil to each other. I don’t know how you put up with her. Nah, make that I don’t know how she puts up with you' "I could say the same thing about you" I said to her, folding my arms across my chest slowly. 'One thing you ought to know: I don’t care about anyone' I nodded my head in response, not buying it. I believe she cared more than she let on. 'Damn right nobody will because we’re not going to tell anyone. Anyone. You don’ t tell Sonny or Carly, I don’t tell Johnny, John, Brandi or Vincent. And then no one else will ever find out through the grapevine. This can stay our dirty little secret' "I'll take it to the grave" I said to her. It would never escape my lips. I didn't want anyone to know anymore than she did. It would cause to much pain if it ever escaped. I didn't want that. Some secrets are needed, sometimes they held the balance up. If this ever got out...it would not end well but it would never get out. Nobody would ever know. This was just our little dirty secret and soon it would be over with. Soon we could go on with our lives and put this behind us. That is what's best for everyone

I watched as she took another drag from her cig, purposely doing it to piss me off. She had to be one of the most frustrating women I have ever met. No wonder she's related to Carly and Brenda. I found all three frustrating but I couldn't imagine my life without Carly in it. I didn't want to. 'Oh, does that bother you' "Nothing bothers me" I said, glaring at her. That was a lie...plenty of things bothered me. Most things bothered me but I wouldn't tell her because I knew she would keep it up and do exactly that. 'You really are a complete idiot, aren’t you, Morgan? Do you think Anthony Zacchara would pay for his little princess to live here' I allowed my eyes to scan the small room before looking back at her, arching up a eyebrow slightly. "Anthony Zacchara thinks?" I asked, holding back the laugh that got lodged in my throat. I know that comment would more than likely piss her off which is exactly why I said it. There was a part of me that enjoyed getting a rise out of her. I didn't feel so invisible to the world when I got a reaction out of people but most of the time I prefer to remain invisible

'To go to PCU instead of an uppity school like Yale or Columbia? To smoke these cheap cigarettes instead of the best ones there are'

Elizabeth continued to ramble on and I remained standing there, listening while pretending not to. I always listened to her, not that I would ever admit to it. Another secret that I would take to the grave. I hated secrets but I kept plenty of them. More than I ever wanted to. 'You just hope I don’t know how to manage money like Carly so when Daddy passes the throne over to me, I won’t tear yours and Sonny’s business apart. Think again because you two won’t know what hit you when I’m done' I let out a small laugh at her comment before shaking my head. That was really cute thinking. "Keep telling yourself that" I said to her. I know Sonny would do nothing to retaliate against his misguided cousin. In this business a threat was a threat and had to be dealt with accordingly but Sonny never saw Elizabeth as a threat. Just a loud child that stomped around a lot but nothing more than that. I think Sonny secretly hoped Elizabeth would find another path and steer away from this destruction. He never talked about his connections to the Zaccharas though. It was a painful topic, one that was often avoided but I wanted the same for Elizabeth. I didn't want this business...this life to suck her soul right out of her. I wanted her to have a different life. I wanted her to know something different. I didn't want this business to turn her inside out, into someone like stone....into someone like me. I never wanted her to become like me. What this business turned me into. It was to late for me but it wasn't for her. She still had a chance to turn it around

"You'll be in over your head and in for a rude awakening" I said to her. 'How many times have you said you don’t want me? You know that’s the sign of wanting me, right? You sure you don’t want me' "I'm positive" I said to her, sounding as if I was trying to convince myself. I pushed that thought down, not wanting to consider it, not even for another second. 'What the hell…are you on crack, Morgan? How did Brenda break Sonny’s heart? What is this about his so-called pain? She lost their daughter, Daddy told Sonny because Bren couldn’t bear to tell him, he left her and somehow she’s the evil one' I glanced down at the ground, swallowing the lump in my throat. Brenda and Elizabeth's father made them believe Brenda lost Adelina. Once the deal was made, before Sonny and I parted with the baby, Anthony said he would handle Brenda. I remember that moment on the bridge like it was just yesterday. It was a cold night, the moonlight reflected on the water. There was more of a chill in the old man's voice than in the icy air. His eyes were normally cold, dark and deadly but there was a twinkle in them. He must have been thrilled to be finally getting Sonny away from his daughter. There was a pain in Sonny's eyes that he couldn't hide despite his best effort. The last words he exchanged with Anthony was what are you going to tell Brenda and Anthony said that Brenda was no longer a concern of Sonny's and that he would take care of her

I wanted to say that she didn't know what the hell she was talking about but I bit my tongue, knowing that it would cause more damage than good. I couldn't speak without exposing the secret that wasn't mine to expose. It was better that Brenda and Elizabeth grieve for a child they don't know exist then go against the agreement Sonny and Anthony made. This was for the best. It is the best for everyone. 'If anything, Sonny’s the reason Brenda hasn’t been happy in years. She grieves for that little girl all the time though she doesn’t like to show it and he chases after whatever woman he wants to. He never said goodbye, just left' I felt like alcohol was being poured into a open wound. It hurt. I didn't want Brenda to hurt. I knew I could end it all but it would hurt a lot more people by coming out. "That's how Sonny forgets" I said to her. "If you think it's been easy on him...you would be far away from the truth. It's hasn't been easy, far from it" I said to her. Sonny's pain wasn't visible but that didn't mean that it wasn't there. He did what he could to drown it though, by diving into work, women, booze but he kept his head afloat for Adelina. She is his whole world. If it wasn't for her, he would probably be dead. She gave him a reason to live

I wondered what that felt like to love someone that much. I have Gabe but it wasn't the same. He wasn't blood and it was different with blood but I knew this was no life for a child. I saw what it cost Gabe and Addy and I would never put another life through it. 'Ah. You never wanted them together. You were just looking for a way out, for Sonny to find another girl that maybe, just maybe the great Jason Morgan wouldn’t find annoying, who wasn’t a Zacchara. So when Bren lost her kid, the girl she wanted so much, the girl she loved from the first minute she found out about her, you figured it was the best chance to get Sonny to back out. Didn’t care who you hurt in the process. You are just so selfish' I shake my head slightly, glancing down at the ground. "I do hope Sonny puts Brenda behind him and moves on with his life. I hope he finds someone else and that it works this time but it won't. He can't break that hold even though it would be in his best interest if he did" I said, continuing to stare at the ground. I never wanted to be in love. I never wanted to paralized by it. I never wanted to be so turned around over some chick like how Sonny was with Brenda. I didn't want to be like that. Ever. If I had anything to do about it, I never would be

'I’ll be sure to tell him you said that'

I glared at her. "I don't care what you tell him" I said to her, plus she had no proof. I would deny, deny, deny to my last breath.'You’re wrong. I look out for myself. End of story' I continued to glare at her, my eyes remaining locked on her. I was unable to look away. I didn't think I could even if I wanted to. 'Why do you care if someone looks out for me anyway, huh? You hate me so you really should be wishing no one does so I’ll wind up dead someday. Bet you want it to be because of you. Bet you can’t wait until I run the organization so Sonny will order you to kill me' "He wouldn't" I said, looking up at her. Anthony put that thought into her head, turning her against us. It sounded like something he would do for sure. "I wouldn't either" I said, hating myself for saying that. I shake my head slightly. The words were like acid on my tongue. They burned. "We don't hurt women. We're not like your father. Plus nobody deserves to be lonely. Not even you, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" I said to her. My eyes remaining locked on her

'Speaking of looking out, I better not catch any of your guards around mine except for John'

"Can't promise that" I said to her. "Sounds perfect" I said in response to her living arrangements. I didn't want any of her girly shit in my penthouse. I hated girly shit. 'And we sure as hell don’t bring alcohol around each other. Stick to Jake’s' "Right" I said to her. No perks to this marriage...or lack of. I hated the idea of marriage, even more so now. Who would of thought that the first time I get married is to the enemy, to a woman I couldn't stand. To my best friends's relative. It is the story of my life and the story of my life is a bad one. "Sounds like it's all settled" I said to her, hoping that this would go smoothly but nothing ever did go..smoothly